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When we asked the Beagle of
all knowledge if he would like to answer problems online he jumped at the
chance, instantly our wires where crossed when he thought he would be
answering questions “On Lines”. But when corrected he was amused and
politely apologised and was eager to get on with the job. May I start by wishing you a good evening, as I trust it is the evening you’re reading this or your obviously skiving at work. Yes.. I am the Beagle of all knowledge also known as thy Mighty one, thy filthy one, and using my incontrovertible wealth of knowledge I aim to help you back on the right track over these tough times you have run into.
Dear Beagle, (reply) When I read the first few lines of this letter I had a feeling I’ve not had since the time I found a Scottish terrier with its snout in my bowl, the neat crest of hair along my spine stood up like a meercat being alerted by the rest of its pack, my blood pumped, my freshly clipped claws appeared from my weathered paws, and for some reason I cant explain why my nose became very moist. I’m not trying to say I was preparing to lift a paw but I was forced to howl for my close friend and a meeting was arranged. The RSPCA kindly released Ruby, Mary, Boxer Bill and Beaumont. And the rest of my crew who were not impounded came galloping along the grassy fields, a few tins of doggy Stella were opened and I learnt from the honourable Beaumont Beagle that his sister Catherine Beaumont ,who is a distant relative of yours, once strayed off to unfamiliar territory were our paths crossed it was muff at first sight, she was pure white and screaming a majestic howl and it wasn’t long till we were locked into a sexual position, the result of this passion ended in the birth of a freak beagle that should have been destroyed, I disowned it and that’s the missing link in your family tree, We will give you the benefit of the doubt, but Catherine may have been seeing things due to her cat food diets and hamster nuts but there is only one thing the PWB clan need to know, we frequently shit on grazes and piss on freshly delivered milk bottles 24-7 we both know who’s got the biggest bone and there’s no chance I’ll be burying mine in mud.,
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Introducing
The Beagle of all Knowledge. 